Discipline Has Choices – And You Pick

Ken Stanton, PhD

Here’s my definition of discipline – it’s a bit more detailed than the dictionary’s version:

Discipline (n.): force on a person (you) to do something that needs to be done OR to not do something that need not be done.

There are 2 key elements in there:

A. “needs to be done” / “need not be done”

Need is different than want.  Things that need to be done are of critical importance because they have negative consequences when they are neglected.  You need to get to the airport on-time.  You need to do the dishes.  You need to do maintenance on your car.  You need not eat too much junk food.  You need to get your work done.

Consequences of no disciplineB. “force on a person (you)”

Force isn’t necessary with things you want to do.  No one forces you to watch your favorite show, enjoy your favorite drink, or read a book of interest.  Force is about things you don’t want to do, like leaving home early to get to the airport, or do the dishes, or get work done on the car.  Similarly, you have to push yourself to avoid too much junk food, get your work done, or not shove that annoying person into the pool.

Pull it all together.

This means that discipline is about forcing yourself to do things that you don’t want to do but that must get done.  If you fail to get them done, there will be consequences.

So think about your choices:

1. Negative Consequences

Negative consequences are not what you want. If you miss your flight, you pay a penalty, are late, and waste a lot of time. If you neglect your car’s maintenance, you can break down, which can cost a lot of money and eat valuable time. If you don’t do the dishes, they pile up and then you don’t have dishes to eat with or you get embarrassed when people drop by to see you.

The good news is that negative consequences are avoidable.

2. External-discipline

Often thought of as just discipline (e.g. “my parents disciplined me”), external-discipline is someone else forcing you to get something done that’s needed. When the discipline results in action, the negative consequences are avoided – but not without the embarrassment of having to have someone else force you to get it done.

If your SO (significant other) badgers you to hurry up and get to the airport, it’s embarrassing and annoying, but at least you don’t miss your flight. When the car dealership sends you repeated notices to get your maintenance done, it’s irritating but the car is less likely to break down on you. When your roommate nags you to get the dishes done, you might wish they’d be quiet but at least your parents won’t razz you when they drop by.
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So, external-discipline avoids negative consequences, but it still isn’t the most desirable.

3. Self-discipline

Self-discipline is pushing yourself to get things done. Again, per the definition, these are things you probably aren’t excited to do, but they need to be completed or else you’ll be facing negative consequences or external-discipline.Discipline is up to you

When you plan time to get ready and out the door to the airport, you make it on time and no one nags you. If you save money and schedule time for your car’s maintenance, it keeps running strong and you don’t have to feed anyone excuses about why you’re avoiding it. When you pop in your headphones every evening and get the dishes done, the place stays clean, you always have your favorite cup, and mom and dad are so proud they send extra money (ok, we can dream!).

Developing self-discipline takes time yet is very attainable. The point of this article is to encourage you to re-think discipline and what it means. Narasi Coaching knows that starting with perspective leads to successful improvements, and now you know that too!

Consider these examples.

You need to discipline yourself to not eat too much junk food.  Or do you need your doctor to tell you that you have serious health problems and won’t live much longer?  You can start disciplining yourself now – even when no one else will notice – to indulge only occasionally.  Or else your family may nag you to eat healthier, or your peers make poke fun at you for being overweight (to your face or behind your back).  One way or another, you can exercise self-discipline, get external-discipline from others, or experience negative consequences.

You need to discipline yourself to do maintenance on your car. No one likes spending money on upkeep, but it needs to get done.  Can you discipline yourself to keep an eye on the maintenance schedule, make appointments as necessary, and budget money for when it’s needed?  Or will someone else have to discipline you to do all those things?  Worse, if neither you nor others discipline you to get it done, how is the consequence of your car breaking down going to feel?  It’s expensive, embarrassing, and throws off plans.

So, what’ll it be?  Self-discipline, external-discipline, or negative consequences?

It’s your choice.

You lack the discipline

Working on developing your self-discipline?  Talk to a life coach, like me.  I offer FREE (no-obligation) 30-min coaching calls for you to try it out – just click here to schedule.

Also, if you want to hear some simple pointers on developing self-discipline, I recommend this article.

Finally, if you came here because you’re trying to figure out how to make New Year’s Resolutions, check out my article on the topic!

 

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